the Speech

(Looking sheepish)
I have to admit I'm a little nervous standing up here in front of everybody. This is my first time being a best man and I'm a little unfamiliar with all of the protocols involved. So I was a little suprised when I received a note from the Bride-to-be with a list of guidelines and instructions I was to follow. I'd actually like to read them to you. (Hold up email) This is an email Kara sent to me a couple of weeks ago:

Dear Sam,
I was very pleased when Kevin asked you to be best man at our wedding and I instantly knew he had made the right decision. I have known you for some time now and I cannot think of anybody more charismatic, better looking or downright sexy than you to fulfil this crucial role on our big day.

But…I do want you to remember that this is our wedding day and I don't want something that you might say or do to spoil it. With this in mind, please take note of the following and I'm sure we'll all have a wonderful day:

DO NOT get drunk
DO NOT use bad language
DO NOT tell dirty jokes
DO NOT sing
DO NOT let Kevin sing
DO NOT mention Kevin's little problem
DO NOT let Kevin drink tequila
DO NOT let Kevin drink whisky
DO NOT let Kevin drink

And finally…
Make sure you keep your clothes on and definitely make sure Kevin keeps his clothes on.
Lots of love,
Kara

Well, I am sure you will agree that my first duty of getting Kevin to the church not only looking good but also on time and relatively sober was an achievment by itself.

Another of my responsibilities was the potentially delicate issue of keeping Kevin's ex-girlfriends out of the way today. Thankfully though, due to a lack of numbers, this task had been made a lot easier.

In all seriousness, someone much smarter than me once told me that you don't marry someone you can live with... you marry someone you can't live without. And that is definitely the case with Kevin and Kara.

So, please, everyone raise your glasses. (Toast) To Kevin and Kara, may they be as happy 50 years from now as they are today.